endless--summer

the car approaches the bridge so slowly that i can feel my sweat even developing inside of my pores before it reaches the surfaces of my skin to linger or fall. my lungs still burn, my chest is heavy. the body my soul occupies is tingling and relaxing. as uncomfortable as i am, i was enamored with every second. i sit completely still and my eyes are wide. my pupils have become black holes, swallowing each image seen. oh, i can feel it all. i can taste it, hear it, smell it, touch it. though all at once, nothing is real. as i'm driven over the bridge, i stare out of the window next to me. it isn't a window. it's a portal, a looking glass. my

i have been watching this body. i have seen its every alteration. numbly and ultimately, i am only allowed to watch. watch. watching isn't enough, but my contributions only add to its destruction. my hands are too clumsy to allow fixing. fix. thin is my fix. thin is my fixation. i am an addict to disappearing. my failure can be viewed on my hips; my wrists. wrists. the bony wrists sting with rightful punishment. i need discipline. every morsel i consume is a lack of self control. control. you've spun me out.